I wanted to do some work after lunch today. Our three children will often go off for a short while (on and off) and I can take the opportunity to do something that lights me up and reminds me of why this way of parenting is so important to me. I've always got some new offerings to prepare, some blog posts to tweak ready for publication, some reading I want to do… I was looking forward to a bit of down time with just my thoughts and ideas and papers for company!
But today, it didn't happen. Today I was needed - by this one for being his 'customer', by those for helping to sort out a dispute over scissors, by another to see the model that he was making… The demands came thick and fast today.
And I so wanted that bit of time, just to think and create, and I could just feel it slipping through my fingers. So I did the only thing I felt I could - I sighed inwardly, smiled outwardly, and I let it go.
What did I get for my troubles? I got peace and acceptance around not getting the work done - I wasn't going to get it done today, no matter what, so it was better to find my peace with that fact than allow the resentment to build. I got to feel proud of myself for reaching a point where this is even a possibility for me - where I could really truly get that this situation was ok, that this was where I needed to be right now. I got to read and fully enjoy a new Dr Suess book with all of my beloved children - at last I was able to accept that I was going to be spending time with them anyway, so I might as well throw myself full tilt into enjoying it.
That ability to let go, in that moment, of my own agenda, and instead find peace with the reality of what was happening, has been a long time coming for me. But when I look at my vision, if you like, for my family, it is peace, it is gratitude, it is acceptance - and if I can't live it, then we will never be it. So it has been worth the journey - worth the effort - to get here. I slip up often - a lot more than I want to - but the changes keep coming, and that is enough for me.
And now? Now that my children are feeling all loved up and connected - now I get that little bit of time for me. But I was still prepared to lose it - to not write this post at all - if that's the way it had to be. Because eventually I would get my time. Some days, I will get some work done. And the work will certainly always be there for me, and I am grateful that this is case. And on some days my children will need me. And now I can be grateful for that too.
If you would like to know more about my journey along the path of acceptance, these posts might be useful to you: